Wednesday, May 21, 2008

hard to say

What it is I am feeling lately. Graduation is looming ahead, yet I am on a completely different time schedule. My biological clock isn't set to class hours and terms and finals anymore (nor, I believe, was it ever meant to be). Instead I find myself pondering (that's such a wonderfully egotistical verb, to ponder) what it is I want to do. To really do. How I want to live.

It's funny, because I sometimes feel nothing. And I know that it's because I am lacking a sense of purpose or a sense of contentment at my present state of being. And okay, that's all fine and good, but I haven't been doing much about it. I have spent my days more or less aimlessly, wandering from free food event to free food event. I work, sometimes. I party, less frequently. And I live in a present tense so simple it is void of all thoughts of even the immediate future.

This is going to come back to bite me in the ass, this temporary lifestyle of mine.

And to think, all of this was brought about by the simple thought of what I would do for the summer.

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